Can A Boyfriends Ask For Money Back That He Put Into A House?

Financial talks can be uncomfortable to have in any state of affairs (merely remember about how we tiptoe around discussing our salaries at piece of work!). But when yous're dating someone y'all intendance most, money convos can be even more awkward to accept with them. This is especially true if you find yourself in a state of affairs where you demand to ask your partner for coin... or vice versa. Yikes.

Of course, while every situation and human relationship is different—and in that location's no right reply for how to accept these kind of talks—take solace in the fact that you're not alone if you think they're touchy.

In fact, consider the opinions of these 13 twentysomething men and women, who get real nigh loaning or being loaned money by their partners:

1. "I think asking your partner for money can be a very slippery slope. In the by, I had a partner who needed money, and would make me experience guilty for having my family financially support me. I was likewise uncomfortable talking most our dissimilar financial situations, so I'd just pay for everything by default. If I mentioned him paying for something or getting a total-time job, he'd human action like information technology was no large bargain for me to pay since it wasn't my money. It's uncomfortable, just now I always talk with my partner about our financial situations upfront."—Lauren, 24

2. "I recollect borrowing coin from a partner tin can be a great opportunity— both for the giver to experience helpful, and for the recipient to prove that they're trustworthy and careful. When I was really broke in college, I had to reluctantly borrow $50 from my beau of six months and so that I could eat that week — I paid him dorsum within the month. It made him feel adept to help me out, really saved me in the moment, and definitely brought united states of america closer." —Sophie, 24

three. "In most cases, if there'south another friend or family member that tin assist you out instead, it's not a good thought. A few years agone, I had the opportunity to 'claim' a pretty large windfall of coin, but wouldn't have been able to cash out the funds for a while. This coin as well came with a huge revenue enhancement neb upfront that I didn't take the money to pay. My girlfriend of just over a year had worked in finance for many years and had quite a bit of money saved up, and agreed to lend me the money at a slightly-below-market involvement charge per unit. I'm non sure if information technology changed the dynamic of our relationship for her, just I know I was ever worried nearly the fact that I was indebted to her. I wasn't sure how we would handle the fact that I still owed her all of this money if something went wrong in our relationship. If annihilation, the fact that I had borrowed coin from my partner fabricated me rush to pay back the loan as quickly as possible."—Michael, 29

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iv. "Giving a partner coin can totally work out, but you lot need to view it as a gift, not a loan. My partner of seven years is in grad school, and I've been working full-time for three years at a big tech visitor. Last summer, my boyfriend got accepted to study abroad but had limited funds, so I offered to pay for us to fly there and back—almost $5,000. I had the coin, so for me it was worth information technology to invest in my partner's educational experience, but it was the most I've ever spent, or given him. With that context, it didn't shift our human relationship dynamic much. I have always been more willing to pay for expensive things I want us to do, and later getting burned desperately by a friend in higher, I only always requite people money, I don't do loans." —Marie, 25

five."I have lent money to by partners and would promise to not exercise it over again. I had a girlfriend I lived with who ran into some money problems later getting injured, so I offered to encompass her living costs (including rent). At the time, it seemed similar at that place would be a definitive end to her fiscal need, but in one case she started making money again, it didn't stop. Her eventual five-figure debt kept us tied together longer than we should take been together."—Hannah, 23

6. "Earlier this year I lent my fellow around $3k to pay for some taxes he owed (I offered and didn't hesitate to do it). He didn't desire to accept it at first, but realized information technology was better than paying more interest. I make slightly more than than him then I knew that information technology wouldn't hurt me as much if I shelled out the money. Nosotros'd been together 4 years so I knew he wouldn't just bail on me without paying, which definitely influenced why I was willing to lend him money. At start I didn't think our human relationship had changed, and at least from my perspective it hasn't, but lately, he always brings it up a lot considering he hasn't finished paying me back. I always assure him that I'thou not mad at him for taking so long to pay me dorsum, simply he definitely thinks it sucks that he's in this position." — Edna, 24

7. "Back in college, I'd have to spot my young man all the time for dinner, food, and outings considering he didn't really accept an income. I would simply charge him for stuff on Venmo and and then wait for him to pay me back when he would get gift money, financial help, whatsoever. When we somewhen broke up, he nonetheless owed me effectually a hundred dollars, simply he paid me back without having to be reminded. I always felt information technology was worth information technology, and never lent him more money than I was willing to lose, merely I only covered him for stuff we did together. If you're gonna lend people money, you lot take to be mentally okay with not getting paid back for a long time, or possibly e'er, because there'southward always a take chances you're never gonna run into it again. "—Amy, 23

8. "I retrieve as long as y'all're doing it for things you admittedly demand and have a plan to pay them dorsum, it'southward okay. While I was looking for a job, I was really struggling to fifty-fifty purchase nutrient sometimes, so my boyfriend would sometimes spot me. I felt and so guilty and kept track of every transaction, and fabricated sure he knew I was going to pay him back once I figured out my life. He understood though, considering he also went through the struggle of looking for a job post-grad. In one case I got a job, I paid him back for everything."—Angelina, 22

9. "My personal advice: Don't do it unless you're desperate. Every bit someone who has always been more financially successful than my partner, I've oft found myself existence besides generous and giving. I had one swain I was with for over 4 years, and I'd wind up paying for nearly everything when we went out together, and loaning him money when he'd be in a bind. Sometimes he'd pay me back, sometimes he'd 'forget.' I thought it would exist stingy of me to bring it upward, so I never did. I assumed he'd e'er practice the same for me, until the time came that I actually needed his aid, and he was very reluctant. Information technology completely changed the dynamic of the relationship and put this expectation on me to pay for things almost exclusively moving forward. " —Marie, 24

10. "In one case I didn't have enough money to check my baggage and my card was declined. I had been hooking upwardly with this guy very casually, and at that place was already a weird dynamic in place with a language barrier. I e'er felt very shy effectually him. I felt very subordinate with him and guilty asking for coin, just he concluded helping me out and never asked for money dorsum. I felt very uncomfortable at first — If I'm a feminist, do I only pay for myself? Is information technology okay to have money from men? Where exercise I draw the line? It's very hard for me to accept money from men but that really changed it for me. When information technology comes downwards to information technology, a partnership is a partnership. That ways taking care of each other. That goes both ways too—if he needed me that way, I'd exist available as well."—Edwina, 25

eleven. "When I was in college a few years ago, I establish myself unable to pay rent i month because of a car upshot. I was very distraught every bit I knew my parents couldn't help me either. I dreaded even the idea of mentioning it to my partner at the time, only knew I had to ask because I was desperate. We'd been dating for around 6 months at that bespeak, but he came from a very dissimilar socioeconomic groundwork than me, so I felt like he wouldn't understand. He offered me the coin, but just if I would agree to sign a contract paired with an interest rate. It was a super dehumanizing feel that was paired with a lot of verbal corruption about how I was irresponsible. He even went and then far as to say that if I really needed money, I should sell my dog. I declined his offer, and thankfully scrambled the greenbacks together elsewhere. We bankrupt up about one-half a year later, although I wished I had washed it sooner."— Jenn, 23

12. "My fellow and I have been together for a little over two years and we live together. I piece of work in an inconsistent, artistic field and he'southward a lawyer at a big bank, so we brand very dissimilar money. Last year I was starting off in this new field, and money was super tight for me. He saw how stressed I was, and offered me money on almost a daily basis. We'd exist watching Tv set and he'd be like 'practise you need money?' I always said no, simply definitely made concessions in other places. For example, he pays slightly more than of the rent than I do, and he unremarkably pays when we get out. I think that allows me to all the same be independent. I think if I had accepted money from him, I would always kind of feel like I owed him, and might experience like I was less than him. I never want to rely on a human for money and want to know that if the relationship doesn't work out, I tin can take intendance of myself."—Folio, 25

13. "I think information technology's fine, but just if it's an emergency where they're borrowing short-term, or like a existent 'fellow-girlfriend' state of affairs. I was recently asked for effectually a thousand dollars from a girl I had very casually been hooking upward with for a month or two. Not merely was that style also much coin, but the reason she needed the coin was and so that she could have extra greenbacks on mitt for a yacht vacation in Europe. I idea it was totally artificial that she'd ask me and information technology basically ruined the relationship."—Daniel, 26

Responses have been lightly edited for clarity.

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Carina Hsieh Sex & Relationships Editor Carina Hsieh lives in NYC with her French Bulldog Bao Bao — follow her on Instagram and Twitter • Candace Bushnell once called her the Samantha Jones of Tinder • She enjoys hanging out in the candle aisle of TJ Maxx and getting lost in Amazon spirals.

Source: https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a25332932/asking-partner-money/

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